Reason to Stay
by DarthMittens
Summary: Follows Tomoyo OVA. Tomoya decides that it's best for Tomoyo's future if they break up again. He leaves her nothing but a note and returns home three years later, intent on starting fresh. But things didn't exactly go according to plan...


**A/N: Well, this is my first time posting in a fandom that has less than 10,000 fics. It'll be interesting to see how this pans out.**

**Anyway, I digress. This is going to be a Tomoya/Tomoyo ONE-SHOT, so please don't ask for more chaps.**

**Warning: Disturbing amount of sap.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

_However far away, I will always love you__  
><em>_However long I stay, I will always love you__  
><em>_Whatever words I say, I will always love you__  
><em>_I will always love you  
>-Love Song by 311<em>

**Reason to Stay**

_Tomoyo, I love you but cannot bear to see your gifts go to waste because of me. Follow your dreams always.  
>-Tomoya<em>

Tomoya sat motionless, looking out of the window, looking at nothing as the train almost motionlessly glided along the tracks.

Three years it had been since he had last stepped foot in his hometown. After he had left Tomoyo that note he had taken the little amount of money he had saved up and left to see the world, picking up odd job after odd job to keep moving. It had hurt, but it was necessary. Despite what she had told him that day the sakura trees had been saved, it pained him to watch her be forever stuck in this town…forever stuck by his side. She could've done anything she wanted, but he had selfishly stood in the way of that. Now she was gone, probably off to a government position or managerial position at some fancy business where she would meet some man who would sweep her off her feet, a man who deserved her.

The last three years had served well to take his mind off things. Yeah, he had time to think at night when he was lying in bed in some run-down motel or sleeping under the stars, and he always got depressed, but he had never really stopped moving; never really allowed reality to catch up to him. But sitting on this train, going back home…it had finally hit him. He wasn't really going back home because there was no home without Tomoyo. Somehow, in the three years he hadn't seen her he had fallen even more in love with her. His chest was constantly plagued with a dull ache; the world seemed to have lost a bit of its color. All the quotes about love had said that being truly in love meant being able to let go for the sake of the other's happiness…they had just never said how hard and painful it was. The last time he had been happy was that last day he had spent her.

He figured three years was enough. Tomoyo would've gotten over it quickly—she was strong like that. She would've come back stronger than ever. She had to be gone by now.

He looked at his watch as the train pulled into the train station and, with a jolt, realized that he had come back on Tomoyo's birthday. He would never escape her, he realized, no matter how hard he tried.

When he stepped off the train, Tomoya thought for a second that he had gotten off at the wrong stop. The scenery was unrecognizable at first. New buildings, changed buildings, and more people than he remembered flooded the streets and his senses. Then he spotted the baseball card shop he had liked to visit as a kid and frowned. So much had changed. Too much.

Tomoya began walking in the direction of the apartment he had purchased via the internet, his small suitcase full of his scarce belongings. He had lived as modestly as he could, saving up his money for this exact moment. It was in a new apartment building near the center of the city, right next to a school. Tomoya looked everywhere as he walked down the street, trying to spot both similarities to his memories along with differences. He tried to spot any familiar faces, too, but didn't have any luck.

When he arrived, he took the key out from under the rug that the previous tenant had left and inserted it into the lock, stepping inside as the door swung open. He walked into the sitting room, where he unceremoniously dropped his suitcase before heading into the kitchen and setting a pot of water on the stove. He was starving and tired after the long train ride. He figured he'd have a bowl of ramen to tide him over before laying down for a midday nap.

As the water picked up heat on the stove, Tomoya walked back into the sitting room and flicked on the television that came with the apartment along with a small table. The apartment also had two bedrooms and one-and-a-half bathrooms, which was much larger than what he had lived in with Tomoyo.

Tomoya sighed and moved to sit down, slowly standing back up when the doorbell rang. Did somebody know he had come back already?

Tomoya opened the door, utterly surprised to see Kyou standing in front of him, a friendly smile on her face. Her hair was just a tiny bit longer, and something about her face and posture was different…friendlier. "Hello, I'm Fujibayashi Kyou, your next door neighbor. Welcome…" she trailed off as she finally registered who exactly she was speaking to. "O-Okazaki-kun?"

Tomoya smiled cautiously at her and said, "Hi, Kyou."

They stood like that for over a minute: Tomoya with that cautious smile on his face and Kyou in shock. Then her face turned into the face that he remembered well—that face that made him knew he was about to get it. Nevertheless, he didn't have time to react before Kyou's fist slammed into his face, making him stagger backwards. Tomoya rubbed the spot once before standing up straight and walking back up to her, amiably saying, "I guess I deserved—"

He was ready for the first one. But the second one came out of nowhere, a ferocious right hook. Tomoya ended up with his back flat on the ground trying to blink the spots out of his vision as his brain took a moment to register what had just happened. He understood the first one, but why the second?

Kyou stood over him, glaring down at him as he tried to regain his senses. Finally, her face softened and she offered Tomoya a hand, which he warily took. He stood a little farther back from her this time, ready to dodge. Kyou may have hit him twice, but he wasn't going to let it happen a third time. They were staring each other in the eye, a silent war of wills being waged. Then Kyou backed down, smiling and asking, "So…are you going to invite me in?"

If there was anything Tomoya had been expecting, it definitely wasn't that. He relaxed his guard, but made sure that he kept her right hand in sight, ready to move if it decided to turn into a fist. "S-sure," he said, stepping aside. "Would you like some ramen?"

"Please," she said, going into the sitting room and sitting at the table.

"All I have to drink is water, so…" Tomoya said a tad awkwardly as he put the noodles in the boiling water.

"That's fine," said Kyou, who was watching the news.

Tomoya grabbed two glasses and two bowls, which he filled with ramen once it was done cooking. He took them out to the sitting room and he and Kyou ate in silence for a minute, until she asked him what he had been doing the past three years.

He told her all about his journey around the world, including his visits to Hollywood, New York, London, Paris, Berlin, and Hong Kong. He had plenty of stories to tell, and he talked for long after they had finished eating. Then he asked Kyou how she had been doing. It turned out she had just finished her schooling and was a Kindergarten Teacher's Assistant, 'helping mold the future', as she called it.

After she finished she glanced at her watch. "Well, it's almost three," she said. "I better get going so I can pick up Ryou from nursing school."

Tomoya stood up and escorted Kyou to the door. As she was leaving, Tomoya voiced the question he had been wanting to ask since it had happened. "I understand the first punch," he said, making Kyou stop and turn around. "But why the second?"

Kyou studied him for a minute, then said, "The first was for me, Ryou, Kotomi-chan, Nagisa-chan, and Sunohara-san. The second was for breaking Tomoyo-chan's heart."

"It was for her own good," Tomoya replied quietly. They stood in silence for a moment before he continued. "How long has it been since she left? I haven't heard anything about her."

Kyou stood in the same spot, staring at Tomoya for so long that he began to fidget. She finally, almost inaudibly, said, "Tomoyo-chan never left."

Tomoya chuckled weakly, though a seed of anxiety began growing in his belly. "Oh, so she's found a good job here? It's still good that I left though, because with me by her side she probably would've never…" Tomoya trailed off at the somber, depressing look on Kyou's face.

"No, Okazaki-kun," she said heavily, each word driving terror into Tomoya's heart. "She never left the apartment, never left her waitressing job at the cafe…you left with her heart, her passion, her drive." She turned away from him. "I…I'll see you later." And with that, Kyou quickly walked towards the stairs, leaving Tomoya to stagger back against the wall and slowly sink down it. He was on the verge of hyperventilation, he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack setting on. From the tone of Kyou's voice, that didn't seem to be the whole story, either, which only added onto the on-setting dread.

Coming to a decision, Tomoya jumped up, pocketed his house key, and pulled the door shut behind him as he sprinted down the hallway to the stairs. He ran all the way back to his old apartment, which was thankfully only eight blocks down the road. His stomach began squirming more as he saw the mail crammed into the small mailbox mounted next to the door along with the spilled mail all along the ground. He picked it all up and pulled all of the mail out of the mailbox, his mind trying to process what exactly he was seeing.

He knocked and waited, the mail in his arms. He waited two whole minutes without receiving an answer, then knocked once more. After another minute's wait he tested the handle, surprised when the door swung open. The first thing he noticed was the stench, his eyes watering at how putrid it was. He walked into the kitchen, the first room on the right, and dumped the mail on the sink, going further into shock as he noticed how high the dirty dishes were piled. The walls and counters were smeared with dirt and grime and mold was growing along the baseline. A vision of a younger version of himself walking into an almost identical kitchen had him frozen in place for a moment before he shook his head of the memory and went deeper into the house, which was pitch-black but for the television casting its eerie, flickering shadows.

He softly swore as he stumbled over a small pile of trash and came into the sitting room, where the television illuminated a mess far worse than he had ever seen around his dad. Liquor bottles completely covered the floor along with fast-food trash, empty bowls and plates, and dirty clothes. The table had a pile of liquor bottles stacked on top of it, along with the form a sleeping figure, the person's chest rising and falling with their steady breaths. There was no way he could mistake that long, flowing hair or powerful, yet fragile, body.

"Tomoyo…" he breathed in disbelief as he crouched down next to her.

Her clothes were ragged and dirty, her hair disheveled. "Tomoyo," Tomoya said louder, gently shaking her. She stirred, turning in her sleep so she was facing him.

Tomoya greedily drank in her face with his eyes as his heart crept up to his throat, that beautiful face he had been sure he was never going to see again. Despite the frown on her face, she looked peaceful. He felt a tear run down his cheek as more pooled to blur his vision. He had missed her a lot more than he thought. He thought he was helping her…helping them both. Yet all he had done was put them both through misery and heartbreak. He had destroyed her.

"Tomoyo," he said, his voice higher and shaky, shaking her more roughly.

She woke up groggily, lifting her head to look at him. Even in the dim light Tomoya could see that her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She studied him for a few seconds before throwing up all over his pants and shirt, making him fall backwards. Tomoya knew he deserved that one, too.

Tomoyo groaned and her eyes closed again before her face adapted that peaceful look and she fell on him, her face on his chest. She was back asleep.

Tomoya laid there on the ground for a while, his chest tight and a lump in his throat as hot, prickly tears pooled in his eyes. Then Tomoyo gave a contented sigh and clung onto his shirt, snuggling into it. Tomoya's expression instantly hardened, determination burning in his eyes.

He had created this mess. It was up to him to set it straight. He had to be strong for Tomoyo.

He gathered Tomoyo up in his arms and awkwardly settled her on his back, standing up and shifting her so she was resting comfortably, still asleep, her breath tickling his neck with each exhale. He exited her apartment and shut the door before setting off for his own place, the only thought in his mind to get Tomoyo in a proper bath and away from alcohol.

People gave him odd looks as they passed. Tomoya didn't blame them. He was a grown man with vomit all over his clothes, carrying a sleeping woman on his back at four in the evening. He staggered up the six flights of stairs (with a few rest breaks, of course), and up to his door, bending over awkwardly to keep Tomoyo balanced on his back as he fished in his pocket for his key, swearing under his breath as he dropped it. He stood there debating how best to get the key, Tomoyo growing heavier by the second. He started to kneel down awkwardly when another hand picked up the key, inserting it into the lock and turning it.

Tomoya looked up to find Kyou, a knowing look on her face. "I see you found her. Though I'm surprised she let you in. She never lets any of us in."

Kyou went into the apartment after Tomoya, who said, "She didn't let me in. Her door was unlocked."

He gently propped Tomoyo so she was sitting against the wall as Kyou exclaimed, "What's that smell?"

Tomoya faced her, displaying to her the vomit. Her eyes widened comically and she said, "Oh," in a quiet voice. Then she glanced over at Tomoyo and asked, "She's drunk?"

"Yeah," said Tomoya sadly. "And only half the smell is coming from me."

Kyou studied Tomoyo for a few seconds, pity filling her eyes, then finally asked, "Are you going to give her a bath?"

"Ah, about that," said Tomoya, inspiration striking him. "Do you think you could do that for me? I don't think she'd appreciate me undressing and bathing her."

"Of course," said Kyou. "Did you at least grab her a change of clothes?"

Tomoya closed his eyes and took a deep breath, berating himself mentally for being such an idiot. "Don't worry," said Kyou with a placating smile. "She looks about my size. Just go over to my place and have Ryou grab something. She's dying to see you," she confided in him.

"O-okay," said Tomoya, about to offer Kyou help with getting Tomoyo into the bathroom. But Kyou picked her up effortlessly, one arm under her knees and the other under her back.

Tomoya headed into the hallway, then realized he didn't know if Kyou was his neighbor to the right or to the left. He chanced it, going to the left, and knocked on the door. The door swung open and he was suddenly wrapped in a hug. Ryou pulled back quickly, a blush on her face. "S-sorry, I haven't seen you in a while…" she said shyly.

"It's alright," said Tomoya, smiling at her. "I forgot to grab Tomoyo a change of clothes and Kyou said you'd be able to help me."

"Tomoyo-chan…" she whispered, amazed. She recovered quickly, though. "Just give me one second!" she said cheerily before disappearing back into the apartment, which looked, from what Tomoya could see, immaculate.

"Here you go!" she said as she handed a T-shirt and shorts to Tomoya.

"Thanks," said Tomoya, going back to his apartment.

As he put his hand on the doorknob, he heard a soft, "And Okazaki-kun…" He turned to look at Ryou, who was blushing shyly. "I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad I'm back too," he said softly, staring at the clothes now bunched in his hands.

"O-Okazaki-kun?" Ryou said with concern.

Tomoya snapped out of his thoughts, turning back to Ryou and smiling at her. "Nice seeing you," he said before disappearing back inside his apartment.

"Y-yeah," said Ryou slowly as she slowly shut her door behind her.

When Tomoya got back in his apartment he went to the door of the bathroom, where he heard Kyou humming to herself as she gave Tomoyo a bath. "Kyou, I'm going to put the clothes on the ground right outside the door, okay?" he called.

"Okay!" he heard Kyou called back, her voice muffled by the door.

After setting the clothes down Tomoya went back to making more food, knowing that Tomoyo probably needed some nutrition. Before he knew it the food was done, the time having flown by as he was lost in thought. He had cooked more ramen, knowing that they would probably have to feed Tomoyo themselves. She was in a pretty bad state and looked like she would be asleep for a while. He definitely wouldn't envy her when she woke up.

He set the steaming bowl of ramen on the table before changing out of his vomit-clothes, sighing as his brain began to go to work again. Once Tomoyo did wake up, what would happen? Would she forgive him? Would she hate him? He knew he deserved the latter, but if that did happen he didn't know what he'd do. But if she forgave him instantly…he didn't like the thought of that much, either. If she didn't get angry at him at all he would feel guilty.

So he just decided to sigh and check up on Tomoyo's progress, surprised to find her in the sitting room with her eyes open, gingerly sipping the soup that Kyou was spoon-feeding her. She didn't seem to notice him at all. She was most likely too hungover to really process what was going on around her, for which Tomoya was actually grateful. He was not looking forward to the confrontation that they were eventually going to have.

As soon as the bowl was finished tears began collecting in Tomoyo's eyes and she leaned forward to hug Kyou, burying her head in the older woman's shoulder. "Why…" Tomoya heard her whisper. "Why can't I just forget?"

And as Kyou rubbed her back placatingly and made soothing noises, she glared at Tomoya as if to say, _you're worse than trash._ Tomoya almost laughed despite the situation. As if he needed her to tell him that.

He sighed and got out his futon, laying it out for Kyou to lay Tomoyo on it, which she promptly did. Tomoyo was already asleep again, dry tear tracks marking her face. Kyou brushed past him on her way out, though he thought he may have heard her whisper, "Good luck," on her way past. Now _that_ he did need.

Looking around at the near-empty space, Tomoya decided that unpacking could wait until tomorrow. After the drama of the day he just wanted to sleep, the only peace he knew he was going to be getting for the next few days, at the very least. He pulled out his pillow and lay down next to the futon, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

><p>He woke up as the first rays of sun burst through the window. He had forgotten to close the curtains. Tomoyo stirred in her sleep and Tomoya quickly hopped up to pull the curtains shut, effectively blocking the sunlight and allowing Tomoyo to get a few minutes more rest. He started making breakfast, which consisted of bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes.<p>

Just as he finished setting the table Tomoyo entered the room, rubbing her eyes sleepily. When she finished the first thing she saw was Tomoya's face, his eyes wide. He knew it had to happen eventually. Where there had previously been drunken haziness was now clear perception, her hangover completely gone. Tomoyo stiffened up, her eyes locked on Tomoya's. "H-Hi," he said quietly, standing up warily.

Tomoyo stared at him for several minutes, her eyes wide.

Then they narrowed.

Tomoya swallowed hard. Not good.

"Three years…" she said dangerously, anger burning in her eyes. "You leave me a note and after three years all you have to say is 'HI'?" she shouted.

"Tomoyo…" said Tomoya, taking a step towards her.

"I don't want to hear it," she said, folding her arms in front of her chest. "You won't make me fall for your tricks again. Get out of my apartment."

"Actually…we're in my apartment," said Tomoya, cursing himself immediately after. _Idiot!_

Tomoyo glared at him. "Fine, I'm leaving," she said, walking towards the door.

Tomoya quickly ran and shielded the door. "I can't let you do that," he said, sounding a lot tougher than he felt.

"Move," Tomoyo said firmly, sounding pretty tough. She probably felt that way, too.

"Only if you promise me you won't drink," said Tomoya. "I can accept you not loving me, but I can't let you continue to ruin your life."

Tomoya felt his heart twist as a choked sob escaped Tomoyo's throat. "_You _ruined my life," she said, staggering up to him and grabbing the collar of his shirt. "It's all _your _fault." She breathed heavily, still tightly gripping his collar as they remained silent for several minutes. "Please move," she pleaded, finally breaking the silence.

Tomoya almost gave in, his stomach churning uncomfortably. "Promise," he said.

"You can't make me do anything," she said, clutching his shirt harder.

"I know," he whispered, a tear escaping his eye. "I don't want you to do it for me, though. Do it for yourself, for your friends."

"I can't," she admitted quietly.

"Why?" he asked, his heart ripping into even smaller pieces at the look she gave him. It was full of desperation and hate.

Another silenced stretched between them. Just when Tomoya thought Tomoyo wasn't going to answer, she finally whispered, "It's the only thing that can make me forget you."

"Tomoyo," he breathed, tears blurring his vision. "I'm so sorry…I…I…"

Tomoyo sighed and released him, her fist bunching. She stared down at it as Tomoya braced himself for the impending punch. "Despite how much I hate you, I can't hit you," she said, surprising him.

Tomoya had to fight to hold in his sigh of relief. "Then we're at a deadlock," he said.

"I can always just call the police," said Tomoyo, looking around for a phone.

Tomoya chuckled, his arms shaking from holding them out across the door on each side. "I just moved in. I don't have a phone."

Tomoyo sighed, sinking down to the ground with her back against the wall. "I guess we _are_ at a deadlock, then."

Tomoya sighed out of relief, sinking down the door until he was sitting in a similar position to Tomoyo, looking at her while she studiously looked away from him. How long they sat there in silence, Tomoya didn't know, though it had to have been at least two hours. They just sat there, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Tomoyo asked, "Why did you come back?"

Tomoya finally tore his gaze from her, staring at the window opposite. "I like this town," he said. "And I thought you would've moved on by now."

Tomoyo huffed, shaking her head. "You're an idiot. I told you the last time we got back together that I loved you."

"I know," said Tomoya, closing his eyes and letting his head rest against the door. "I just…I know how strong you are. I thought you'd be able to move on."

"I may have been called manly by many people," said Tomoyo. "I can beat up packs of delinquents all by myself. But I'm a girl on the inside."

"The last time we broke up you pulled off a perfect school festival and managed to save the sakura trees," said Tomoya, trying to make her understand his logic.

"The last time we broke up you were right there," Tomoyo replied tiredly. "I still saw you every day…I knew that once I was done with what I needed to do that we would get back together. This time…this time you just left."

Guilt burned in Tomoya's stomach as his throat constricted. Three years ago he had thought he knew a lot. About the world. About life. About love. Everything.

He knew absolutely nothing.

"Tomoyo," he said, saying the only thing that came to mind. "I love you."

"Don't say that," she replied, her voice shaky as she fought back a rising sob. "I hate you."

"It doesn't matter what your feelings for me are," he said tiredly. "I still love you."

He heard rustling and suddenly she was sitting on his lap, her face buried in his chest as she clung desperately to his shirt, crying into it. He looked down at her in surprise and a small smile tugged at his lips as he wrapped his arms around her, tears burning his eyes. "Why did you have to leave?" she sobbed into his shirt. "Why can't I just hate you?"

Tomoya sighed and held her tighter. "I thought I was being strong," he said. "I thought I was doing it for you. But I was doing it for me, to escape the guilt I felt at seeing you stuck by my side. I thought you would move on. I never realized…I never realized you needed me just as much as I needed you."

"O-Of course I do," she said in between sobs. "I love you."

"Tomoyo," he said. She looked up at him, breathing shakily as she tried to stem the flow of her tears. "I was being an idiot. I thought I knew what you had meant when you said being by my side was the highest place you could be. I didn't really figure it out until I was sleeping out in the middle of nowhere in America one night." He began crying, holding her tighter. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry." This time Tomoyo held him tight, let_ him_ cry into her shoulder. "I love you," he said, his voice muffled by her shirt.

"I…I…how am I supposed to respond to that?" she asked, clutching at the back of the shirt. "I want to believe you, but...how do I know this won't happen again?"

Tomoya was done crying, and he pulled his head up to look at Tomoyo with burning determination in his eyes. "I didn't know," he said. "I know now. You love me, Tomoyo, you need me." He swallowed and said, "You need me just as much as I need you. You're the most important thing in the world to me. I…I was trying to figure out who I was, where you and I belonged. I thought I had figured everything out. Now the only thing I know for sure is that the only place I want to be is by your side."

Tomoyo looked away from his penetrating gaze, gently biting her lower lip in thought. "I don't know, Tomoya. I…I…"

"Tomoyo," Tomoya whispered, seeing that he almost had her. She turned to look at him, pulling back only the tiniest bit as he moved forward to press his lips against hers. She froze in his arms, worrying him as a few seconds went by without her moving. Then she melted into him and began kissing him back, her hands clutching the back of shirt as if he might vanish.

When they broke apart, Tomoya felt his heart constrict as he saw that she was fighting off tears again. "Tomoya," she said shakily.

"Yeah?" he asked, surprised that he managed to get the word through his dry throat.

"This is your last chance," she said quietly. "If you break my heart again, I'll never forgive you."

He nodded and moved in for another kiss, but she stopped him with one soft finger. "I promise I won't drink anymore…but you have to promise me that you'll be with me forever."

"I promise," he said firmly, relief seeping all the way down to his bones.

This time Tomoyo instigated the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as her lips met his.

Tomoya wrapped his arms securely around her, planning to never let go.


End file.
